fiction by the sassy little punkin |
Come to Me "Come to me, Gus."
daughter. "Please remove your hair from your mouth. That is a filthy habit no child of mine is to ever have."
Hours later Ellie leaned against a flower wrapped column that helped to hold up the enormous outdoor tent. From her hidden position she could easily keep her keen eyes on both the whereabouts of Gus, as he crawled underneath tables and shrubbery, and more interestingly the guests as they mingled.
Ellie pinched him hard on his arm. "Ow!" "Shut up." Gus' pout fell, and a somber look clouded
his face. "Ellie...look," Gus said quietly.
His short finger was extended, pointed firmly, sending out some sort of
beam that stretched right across the room, and spotlighted their father,
as a parting in the crowds had exposed him to view. Their father was in a corner of the tent,
close to the makeshift stage the band was using. Emerging from behind
a potted tree was a stunningly beautiful blonde. Their father was holding
her hand, and helping her back into the party, but she tugged him back
towards their place of concealment, and they fell out of view, as Ellie
could just barely make out her heavily-braceleted arm as it encircled
their father's waist, and dropped casually down to caress his back. "Who is she, Ellie?" enquired
Gus. "Shh, I don't know. Nobody. Stop
looking, it's nothing." Suddenly Ellie knew of no other feeling than
wanting to shield her brother. From just what, she didn't know, but it
was so intense that she grabbed him violently by the hand, and led him
away from her lookout spot. "Where are we going?" "To find Mother, and remind her it's
bedtime." "Is it already?" "Yes, and she'll be mad if we're
out here much longer." Ellie could sense things were teetering
on some sort of edge. It was as if she'd just poured the vinegar down
the painted shaft of the model volcano her class had built last term at
school, and they waited for the gooey lava to pump its way over the sides.
The image of her father and the woman burned her eyes, and she was scared
this pain would transfer to Gus. And she was scared of their mother, and
her seeing this in her children's faces. And the wrath that she knew lay
under their mother's polished and mannered surface. Their mother was speaking in low tones
to the caterer. Her hands made delicate sweeping motions as she explained
how she wanted the food tables condensed and the bulk of the clutter to
be swiftly taken away. Patiently Ellie stood behind them, still clutching
Gus' hand, digging his skin with her nails, knowing she had the capability
to draw blood should she need to silence him. The scar on her leg was
testament to the workings of that very sort of experiment. Once the caterer had bowed slightly and
left, Ellie softly touched their mother's elbow. "Mother." "Elizabeth and Gus, where have you
been?" "We've been staying out of the way,
Mother. I think Gus is tired, and so am I. May we say goodnight?"
"Yes, I will take you around. Let
me find your father. Have you seen him?" This was a test Gus needed to pass. Better
yet, it was a test Ellie needed him to pass. Would she need to dig her
fingers deeper? "I haven't seen him, Mama,"
piped in Gus. Ellie unclenched her hand and loosened
her grip. "There he is, never mind." Their
mother guided them towards the stage, where their father was joking with
several men in suits. Ellie shook her head and blinked at the sight of
him. Where did the lady go, she wondered, and so quickly? Had they really
seen him? "Daniel, I need to borrow you,"
said their mother. "Coming, Nina. Excuse me, gentlemen." Their father smiled winningly, and stepped
aside with his wife. "Delightful night, wouldn't you say?"
This was their father. "Daniel, I want you to put your dick
back in your pants for ten minutes, and help me escort our children around
to say goodnight." With that the blood drained from Ellie's
face, and her mouth went dry. Never in her life had she heard their mother
speak like that. "I beg your pardon, Nina?" "You heard me. I am well aware that
your either have it out to be stroked by any one of a dozen underdressed
sluts, or to play whose is bigger with the boys. This is the one goddamned
night a year we can convince society that we are a happy, well-adjusted
family, and I refuse to let you spoil that for me." The hostile tone
was sharper than Ellie had ever heard in their mother's voice. "I see." Their father was speaking
to her with such a coolness, that it made a shiver work its way down Ellie's
spine. "I see," he said again. "Look, Nina, there's Kyle
Dorset. Isn't he looking well?" Ellie searched out the crowd to see if
she too could spot who their father was singling out. "Hello there, Kyle!" Ellie heard
their father speak loudly, and saw a young man wave back somewhat uneasily.
She eyed him curiously, and saw that he reminded her very much of Gus
just minutes ago when he first saw their father's indiscretion. With a
childlike bowlegged turn, this Kyle Dorset headed away from them, towards
the bar. "Are you trying to make some sort
of point, Daniel?" "Whatever do you mean, my darling?" Ellie was confused. Why was he making
it sound so mean, that word "darling"? "Can we please proceed?" their
mother implored. "Certainly. We should be sure to
introduce our son to Kyle, shouldn't we? It's so very nice of him to show
up at our shindig after all these, what, eight years or so?" "You disgust me, Daniel." Their
mother was immediately behind them now, her hands planting themselves
on their narrow shoulders. "What's that saying? Something about
a pot calling the kettle black?" What in the world were they talking about?
Ellie decided right there and then that she would not fall asleep. Instead
she intended on seeing her brother to bed, and then sneaking back into
the party, unseen, to do a little spying. Her heart throbbed so much just
thinking of the mixture of fear and discovery that awaited her that it
began to hurt her ears, these deafening thuds, and she raised her palms
to cover her ears to shut it out. "Take your hands down, Elizabeth,
you look like a monkey," admonished their mother. "Mr. and Mrs.
Somers, my children Elizabeth and Gus would like to say goodnight to you." Like a puppet show they took the circuit,
shaking hands, tolerating face pinches and patronizing pats on the head,
all the while smiling politely. When Gus was tucked safely in his bed,
and Ellie in hers, she counted to five hundred, slowly, making sure no
one would pop their head back in to check on them. Ellie felt as though she was peeling layers
off a piece of fruit-some food she'd maybe never eaten before with a perplexing
outside, and a mysterious inside. She wasn't sure if she would wince with
the bitter taste, or find so much sweetness that she would be free to
enjoy every last drop, and possess some grown up sense of understanding. With these thoughts to propel her small
bare feet, Ellie eased open her bedroom door, and tiptoed down the hallway.
The party had managed to stay outdoors, and Ellie had used their goodnight
rounds to scope out appropriate hiding places. She was on her way down
to fold herself into a living room curtain, when the sound of a nearby
door opening caught her attention. Quickly she ducked behind a chair, just
opposite the opening door, and steadied herself in a crouched position. Their mother's dark curls instantly gave
her away as she leaned gently out of the doorway, checking for something
out in the hallway, Ellie wasn't sure what. Their mother stepped out into
the hall, and crossed quietly to the powder room. It was then that Ellie sprung from her
hiding place, and followed the urge to explore the guest room that their
mother had just exited from. I'm looking for clues, she told
herself. Like a detective, like how Gus and I play sometimes. The room though was surprisingly unrevealing.
In fact, it look completely in order and undisturbed, the way their mother
insisted it be. Ellie remembered their mother's constant admonishments
about playing in rooms that weren't meant for children. This guest room
was on that list of all that was forbidden, with it's queen sized bed
plentiful with pillows, and a mattress ripe for bouncing on. Hearing approaching
footsteps, Ellie once again concealed herself, drawing her tensed body
behind the drapes. "It's okay, no one with bother us
here." Again, their mother was in the room. "You're sure, Nina? You're the hostess,
won't Daniel, or someone-" "Shh, no, no. Don't worry." Who was that man? Not their father, Ellie
knew. The lights suddenly went out, and Ellie breathed deeply, inhaling
the darkness, and willing it to help keep her hidden. "Come, sit with me," invited
their mother. "Nina, you look so beautiful, I have
been trying not to stare all night." "It wouldn't matter. Daniel has far
too many whores to distract him. He knows what went on between us, Kyle.
He's already judged me. He's accepted everything about Gus." Kyle? Ellie searched her mind and matched
the name with the picture of the man whom their father had pointed out
earlier. But Gus? What about her brother? Ellie willed herself to stop
trembling. "He's a beautiful little boy, Nina.
I have always treasured every photo you sent me. But seeing him in the
flesh--it was all I could do to not grab him and hold him." "I know. He's an incredible child.
Nothing like Daniel, and Daniel knows it." The laughter that their
mother used to punctuate her last remarks chilled Ellie right down to
her soul. Even in the darkness she could sense a number of things coming
to light. "Kyle. Come to me." "Nina..." "Come to me, I said, Kyle." Not an ounce of sternness tinted her tone.
Their mother spoke gently, delicately, with a drop of what Ellie would
grow to learn meant longing. She recognized it as how she felt about her
child-body; the sound of her thoughts as she wished to feel special, and
beautiful, and touched by someone else's hands. Ellie began to pick up sounds of soft
moaning, and lips meeting bare flesh, and other lips. Whenever she watched
a movie with kissing scenes Ellie squeezed her eyes shut, and listened
to the noises, while sometimes she pictured a grown up version of herself
in the scene instead. It wasn't hard this time to picture their mother
in her place, with Kyle as the man. Ellie wasn't sure how long she sat there,
wide awake, and paying close attention to the sounds of their mother making
love to another man. After the rustling of the bed sheets and
the quiet bursts of unintelligible comments and noises subsided, Ellie
once again inhaled the dark silence, until finally they spoke. "Nina, my god, you're amazing." "I'm so glad you came to me, Kyle.
I'm so glad you saw your son. I wish it didn't have to be this way." Kyle laughed. "No, you don't. You
have your home, your place in society, your successful husband and your
two children. You want for nothing more." "You think so little of me, Kyle." Again, he laughed. "Ah, darling,
you're wrong. You think so little of yourself, and moreover, so little
of me." "Of you? How so?" "You play me like an instrument.
I think the world of you, I worship your body, I feel like no other man
on earth when I make love to you, but you let me walk away from you, and
our son, because that is exactly how much you hate yourself. And that
is the ugliest thing about you, Nina. So ugly that it makes it easier
for me to leave, rather than witness one minute more of your carefully
orchestrated scheme." "You don't love me, do you?"
Ellie had never heard such a crack in
their mother's voice before. "More than you will ever love me,
I'm afraid." Love. Ellie thought maybe she should look
up that tiny little word again, for maybe that would make things easier
to understand. Did her father love their mother? Did their mother love
Ellie, and if so, just as much as she loved Gus? And this man, Kyle, did
their mother love him, too? Ellie fought so hard to suppress a scream.
This was too much for her. This fear was bigger than any scolding. Someday
she knew that she would leave their mother, and her father, and even her
brother. And that she would have to puzzle out what it meant to be in
love, and to be loved. Right now, though, she wanted nothing more than
to run and run and run. Run so far and so fast that not even her legs
would ache from the exertion, nor would her lungs feel burdened. Their mother's sobs were choking and harsh.
Long, muffled wails escaped her, sounding like a pain Ellie had never
felt before--not when Grandpa Benson had died, or when she'd fallen off
her bike two summers ago and broke her arm. Ellie began to cry too, only
silently, with great big tears dropping like rain from her cheeks and
staining her nightgown. She tasted one, and it was bittersweet--salty
and warm. Ellie ran her hands down her front like she had done before,
only this time she wished that the changes wouldn't come so soon, that
please, god, she wasn't ready, she was so scared. She had never know their
mother to cry before, and never knew she was capable of crying so violently
at that. Ellie stroked herself again and again,
repeating her fervent wishes in her head, vowing also to never tell Gus,
for that might break his heart, and wanting nothing more than to not upset
their mother, for fear of consequence, although she didn't know that 'consequence'
was the word for it yet. That night Ellie fell asleep behind the
drapes, hearing only the sound of her mother crying, and clinging to every
last shred of her own precious innocence.
"Come to Me" was written in July 2001 and presented here on October 17th, 2003 by the Sassy Little Punkin (Lindsay William-Ross). Please respect what you have read and the author by not copying, quoting without authorization or what is commonly known as stealing, lifting, plagiarizing, etc. That would be way uncool and would result in some baaaaad ass karma. And, somehow, I'd find out. Trust me. If, however, you are so moved by my talents that you want to publish this, feel free to drop me an email. Thanks!
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