how to host a mystery party, presented by sassy little punkin, angel bunny and l.q.t.

sigh.

my life can never be drama-free, despite the fact that i want no more drama than i can handle.

i feel like i'm up to my neck in undesirable and un-poetic intrigue, thanks to some strange post-party happenings that came to light yesterday.

it seems that three friends of mine experienced a non-drinking kind of high, though none was intentionally provided to them.

in fact, none was even unintentionally provided for them, because no one laced or spiked anything.

the problem is, as hostess and half-birthday diva, i feel the burden of responsibility. no one should have to experience a traumatic and unexpected high, and most especially not from anything i have at a party of mine! and i trust that my friends sincerely experienced something out of the ordinary. i trust the baker of the infamous 'banana bread' and know that they would not ever slice and put on a table for our guests any sort of 'enhanced' dessert item. and i was there when it was being made, and i know nothing 'funny' went in. and i ate some of the second loaf from the batch last night and was fine.

now, i've eaten some laced goodies in my life, and have always known that this was no ordinary bite of brownie or what have you. there's usually a yucky aftertaste, and the texture is rarely yummy and moist. but then again, i don't even know how to bake psychedelic goodies, so i'm just talking out my ass, quite possibly.

i woke up this morning from actual nightmares about this. it's weighing on my conscience like a ton of bricks. the bread baker was offended that it would even be suggested they would do such a thing. one of the unsuspecting eaters suggested that perhaps someone is lying to me. emails have been sent back and forth, some more eloquent than others. instant message conversations with the eaters and also folks being sounding boards for me have consumed just about the entirety of my one, free day off.

at one point i had to tell someone: "i'm sick of talking about this."

i keep telling myself: "this is not your fault, sassy!"

but i feel responsible. i am sad that it happened, and to folks who are not at all inclined to indulge in tainted treats. and with the blog culture being what it is, well, folks who weren't there are suggesting all sorts of possibilities, like that maybe someone put a tab of acid on someone, or that there were shrooms in the cake batter.

"no no no no no no no!" i screamed at my computer screen when i read these things.

i mean, for crying out loud, my parents were at this party! it was a room full of predominantly unemployed improvisers who at best will have one cocktail too many. any one who was a drug user kept their habits to themselves, and even kept their habits outside our apartment doors, because that just wasn't the kind of party it was. one of the first guests was an 18 month old kid. did he do it?

i just want everything to be okay. my first concern is with the health of the folks who got, for lack of a better word, sick. they're rattled, but okay. i am loyal to and trusting of all my friends, and believe that everyone is telling me the truth.

as i said to the lovely housemates last night, as we nibbled on left over goodies (including the scandalous banana bread), and as we relaxed in our tropical tiki hut living room: "i'm on nobody's side but my own."

well, over on this side i'm just sad that i can't explain what happened. sad that it happened at all. and sad that now i won't throw anymore parties, because i feel like i'm getting some sort of bad rap for all this, like my credibility is on trial.

is anyone a chef? are there any ingredients in regular old banana bread that could cause this reaction?

and how do i make this better? how do i solve the mystery of the half-birthday party?

so i had a little "hap birth"* party...


i really should be in bed right now, and there's no qualified reason why i'm not. i think my head finally met the pillow sometime after four this morning, and that was just minutes after the last guest left.



it was a good great party.

*everybody got lei'd.

*we have a signature wall that's been filled with messages and doodles.

*my parents are cooler than yours. i'm sorry, but you can't argue that point.

*we have a giant stuffed fish named 'hernia'.

*our ceiling looks like the night sky. it's best viewed lying on the carpet, which we tried out.

*i was spanked 26 and a half times.

*i was massaged all over by four people at once.

*i got presents! and not crap presents, but really sweet, funny and darling presents.

*no one threw up. (that i know of).

*i was treated to probably the best rendition of "happy birthday" ever. it was so good that when i blew out the candles i screamed, "can we do that again?! please?!" (we didn't, though. it was enough of a production getting the candles lit, since ashley lit them and then accidentally blew out half of them.)

*l.q.t. made one mean seven layer dip that was consumed completely, with much delight.

*on the fly i whipped up pitchers of mojitos, batches of blender drinks from scratch, and apple martinis complete with floating apple slice. i rather enjoy saying: "what can i get you?" at parties.

*after having only heard about them, i finally got to meet the boyfriends of my friend lane, and angel bunny's beloved friend moxie.

*(begin blogger gushing)speaking of meeting, i had the absolute pleasure and delight of meeting two of this world's most beautiful, kind, thoughtful, fun, charming women, our very own secret agent josephine and boogie's mom. now, let me tell you, these gals made a bit of a drive to meet me (blind date style, it seemed) and to help me celebrate my birthday. me, being the diva that i am, was upstairs in my room primping, oblivious to the fact that my guests had arrived. when i finally made my entrance i was as hyper as a first grader on halloween, complete with dorky hand gestures and squealing exclamations. ever the classy duo, jo and boogie's mom worked the room, and thankfully i got to spend some time chatting with them. (what do bloggers talk about? blogging!) they got to meet the infamous ashley, l.q.t. and angel bunny, as well as the mistress of jazzhands, fuzzeranne. honest to god, the first thing i thought when i saw those gals in my living room was: "oh my god, they are so gorgeous!" i am so glad i got to meet them, and i want you all to be jealous that i did! thanks for adding to the lovely night, ladies! (end blogger gushing).

*did i mention i got amazing presents?

*we had body glitter.

*i got a couple of (very innocent) birthday kisses.

*we were repeatedly told "this is a great place!" and it is, we have a really cool apartment!

*i got very thoughtful phone call wishes from the v.d.b.*

*i am working on forgiving some of my asshole friends for not showing up.

*there will be, at some point, photos. including some really hott ones. we're talking hot women, and bare skin, and sexy faces, and great hair.(sadly no digital camera was among my gifts...sigh...)

*no animals (including my own love slut of a cat delilah) were harmed in the making of this party.

so it's the morning after, and there is one dishwasher load chugging away, a giant box of empties, some vaccuuming to do, and some surfaces to wipe down. i have not had nearly enough sleep, and unfortunately have to make an appearance at work soon... and then go to another party! it's fun, but tough to throw parties. i want everyone to have a good time. i want folks to show up. i want to make sure they have plenty to eat and drink, and fun people to talk to. i can't think of the last time i had a real, honest-to-goodness birthday party. probably in my childhood, and even then those were hard to pull off during the holidays. i'm a girl who makes her own rules, and i'll tell you, having "happy birthday" sung to me last night made my heart so full i feared it would burst. i know my eyes got wide and shiny and my grin was ear to ear. it wasn't the perfect night, and parts of it got me in a sad sort of way, but it was a damn great night, complete with cocktails and friends, hugs and presents, cake and goodies, and a lot of laughter.

and i rang in my halfsies just as planned--by drinking like it was a wholesies!

"my, she was yare" (from the philadelphia story)



...though i knew it was going to happen eventually, i also knew i would never be ready to say goodbye to a life-long heroine of mine.

at her request, there will be no memorial.

in the junk drawer

over the past few days i have:

• taped a photo of mary kate and ashley olsen copied from vanity fair magazine to my bedroom door.
  
• ordered chinese food online.
  
• helped angel bunny hang a gigantic piece of blue fabric to our living room ceiling to complete the starry sky effect.
  
• finally unpacked from my recent weekend trips.
  
• finally done my laundry.
  
• found my mary kate and ashley olsen eyeshadow that i'd lost.
  
• organized the kitchen cupboards so that only the dishes that i've painted myself are accessible, with the exception of my enormous starbucks city mug collection.
  
• explained when and how i obtained all of those mugs to angel bunny.
  
• chosen my hawaiian name for my half birthday party tonight: mele kalikimaka.
  
• watched, enchanted, as liz phair performed on jimmy kimmel live.
  
• berated myself for not having gone to hollywood last night to see liz phair on jimmy kimmel live.
  
• declared that this summer my plan is to be inebriated as much as possible.
  
• been forced to confirm that i really exist in the flesh and blood, when a higher up of sorts at work put the cherry on the cake of her ignoring me for over two weeks by actually walking right past me as though i were completely and entirely a non-entity.
  
• been highly flattered and praised by one of the most respected professors in my school's english department.
  
• either slept too much or not enough. i am not sure which one it is.
  
• begrudgingly accepted the parting of june gloom and the arrival of the summer meltdown here in los angeles.
  
• affirmed with myself that i am indeed meant to move to san francisco to pursue my writing (and not some boy) next year. a fact which thrills and yet terrifies me.
  
• been late to work every day. oops, gotta go!

maybe she caught a glimpse of heaven...

as annoying and sophomoric as many of my few remaining lit classes are, there is still something awe-inspiring about discussing literature. though i sit there, in my uncomfy and sized-for-tiny-little-people desk, clock-watching and daydreaming about blog posts, my half-birthday party this saturday, songs i want to listen to repeatedly, boys i've yet to kiss...i still think that literature, and words, and tone and style and imagery make my world go 'round.

today we arranged our desks in one large circle, and i remember when i was in grade two at brown elementary school in toronto at christmastime we put a tree in the center of the classroom and arranged our desks in a circle around it. life then seemed so full of possibility.

there was one time when the teacher left the classroom on an errand, and this one boy named luka was giving me a hard time about god knows what, something significant to a seven year old, and i told him if he said one more word i'd kiss him. sure enough, he took it one word past my ultimatum, and i got up from my desk, marched down the row, and planted a firm smooch on his cheek. this of course gave me a reputation of sorts, but not in the scandalous hussy of the second grade way, but more of a continual mocking. i remember that being around the first time i ever ascertained that my life was going to be about the struggle of opposition against the very group i sought to belong to.

it's funny how few things change, how so many ideas and traits are more or less ingrained in us. i still feel like that picked on little girl who opts to do something outlandish in the hopes of shutting someone up. i feel all the time like i am struggling against the groups i belong to; it happens regularly at work, and it's just happened with my theatresports group. it's as though my lot in life is to prove my worth to everyone, and to do whatever it takes to not be misunderstood. and i think i've often been markedly misunderstood.

my personal evolution is amazing, if only to me and no one else. how i rise to an ocassion, or choose to handle myself with composure has become one of my skills, whereas in the early chapters of my autobioraphy i could not see past the hurt and anger to do anything but lash out or become hysterical. it's only in recent history that i've been able to open up to new people with sincerity and gratitude, or to give of myself unselfishly. i've found the richness in that way of life, and i'm so happy to live that way.

and so what of this? i love with a ferocity and an abandon. i am willing to take those emotional risks, and sadly, many people i come in to contact with are not. i say what i feel needs to be said, though have learned that it's usually best to step back and gather my thoughts before blurting things out. but i will sing out loud around my workplace, and i will tell my friends and family how much i love them, and i will blog my feelings and thoughts as i see fit, and i will plan my future based on myself and my dreams. it makes me nothing more than sad and disappointed that many people i know cannot take this journey with me. i still want to prove myself, and sell myself as a valuable playmate, daughter, lover, companion, friend and conspirator to so many people and groups.

but at the end of the day, it comes down to me. i see my world through the eyes of an artist and writer, and i am blessed with being of the type that is emotional. so i sit in my uncomfy desk in that classroom and voice thoughts on a poem or two, and instead of the blank tiled institutional floor that we encircle, i see that christmas tree from my grade two memory, all lit up and decorated with hand-crafted ornaments. and i am still me, a little wiser for the evolution, but still believing that life is indeed full of possibility.

*the klink family in all its wisdom and glory has been forced to go on temporary hiatus to upgrade their comments service. because i love the comments that have been left to me i will not toss them aside and sign up to another service unless i am absolutely forced to. so please, for the love of all that's good and holy, if you are inspired at all to comment, look to your right, and click on the "email" link, and fire one off to me. it would mean so very much to hear from you. with much love, s.l.p.*

**update**
i have added haloscan comments for now. i won't do away with klink yet, in order to save the comments in my illustrious history. we'll see who wins the wars of the comments systems!

math for losers

ashley + punkin + $20 + happy hour = punkin asleep by 7:30 p.m. last night

once more unto the breech

today is the first day of school. i have already managed to forget my brown bag lunch in my car, and have been labeled (in a joking way) by a teacher as an "egoist". (she asked that we draw what literature means to us, and i drew me. sheesh.) i have a dangerous amount of down time to fill while on campus between classes. this means chain smoking, computer lab time, and lots of mediocre coffee. i don't care how many popscicles they hand out, it's going to be a long summer.

at least the professor loves me

while no other man on earth can give me high grades in the course of love, my beloved, hunky and not on campus this summer professor gave me a pure, unadulterated grade of A for my work in his chaucer class last quarter. this is no small feat! he had given me early indication that i was on the fast track to A minusville shortly before finals, when he asked me: "now, what did you get in my class the last time, A-?" yes. "Well, you'll probably get that again." okay. and, lo and behold, to my shock and surprise, he has given me an A.

he loves me! he adores me! he wants to take me away on a romantic trip to see the graves of literary greats across europe!

either that or i aced the final. i like my imagination's explanation much better.

"where have i been, got any what? who have i seen?"

i've been on the busy side, doing lovely things with lovely friends, as well as going to work. my last two posts were fairly, um, significant, so i wanted them to stand alone for a couple of days. (hmmm, maybe i am an egoist?!)

friday night i went to hang out with a dear friend of mine that i've known for about 12 years now. he and i go way back beyond the imaginable archives of friendships past. we partied a little, but stayed put on his couch, and chatted for hours on end about all things trivial and all things relevant. when i finally dragged my sorry self home it was nearly 4 in the morning. though exhausting, it was well worth it.

saturday i taught mosaics to the franchisees that are training right now at my work. it went pretty well, made only the better by the addition of ashley and fuzzeranne to the table. ashley and i grabbed a bite to eat after, and went in search of the clay aiken single for her. (poor ash, it was sold out).

sunday after work fuzzeranne and i went to a sex and the city season premiere party. the hostess set out a table of goodies themed for the evening, as in "sex and the soda" and hors d'oerves with tags reading "samantha's little weenies" and the likes. we watched some older episodes, as well as the new one, and had plenty of girl-gab time with other lovely attendees.

self-titled summer

i have emphatically decided that this summer's soundtrack is to be provided by the phenomenal rock goddess liz phair, whose self-titled album is released today. i've been rocking out to some of the tracks i've stolen from kazaa, and, let me tell you, i think she channelled my life as of late for lyrical inspiration. liz's music was introduced to me in 1995 by my paramour of the time, m (the poet, sigh...). her album whip smart, and her catalogue of indie grrrl rock genius got me through a lot of rough spots along the way, and still do.

so, yeah, i'm the asshole in the green jetta who is singing rather loudly and energetically along to her brilliant single "extraordinary" and others.

when a girl feels it, a girl feels it.

the tide comes in, and the tide goes out

understandably, i took a few days off from posting to regroup. it has been so incredibly amazing to have received so much positive feedback from everyone. your comments, your emails, your instant messages have made this much more bearable. and i thank you.

a few years ago i was in my first serious relationship with an amazing young(er) boy named matt. we'd met organically, through work, and had been friends, and then a couple. he was the second boy to tell me he loved me, and i loved him, too, fiercely. we lived about an hour and a half drive apart from each other, but we managed to spend about four nights a week together. we did laundry together, we did homework together, we showered together. we held hands when we walked around, we kissed when the car was stopped at a red light. we gave each other small gifts, and cards, and we were the last people we would talk to before bed at night, on the phone or in person.

i'm pretty sure that this is what i expect relationships to be like. and i think that's fair of me, because the person i am with should be capable of giving me the things i need, and also be someone who enjoys a relationship that has those components.

i haven't had a relationship like that since.

there's been no willing hand holding. end of the day phone calls were scrutinized and labeled suspicious, a card or a gift interpreted as things being too serious or meaningful. kissing anywhere but in bed was just about out of the question. in fact, no one i've dated since has even wanted to be in a relationship.

when matt broke up with me, after nine months together, he told me it was because he was not attracted to me. talk about a line that messes with a girl's sense of self! how could the boy that had loved me so sweetly and intimately all this time be saying that he had no attraction to me? i took this all rather hard, as it was shocking. i began to feel immense social anxiety. i cried for weeks on end. when i finally decided to see a therapist, i remember i told him that the worse part was that now i looked back on the entire relationship, and all the sweet and darling components, and saw it as a sham.

"why would you devalue what it was?" the therapist had asked gently.

and i don't know the answer.

but my trust was ruined. i felt betrayed, like i'd been lied to for all those months.

it took me a couple of years to get back to dating again. sure, i hooked up here and there. but it was a good long while before i put my heart out on the line again. josh and i had an agonizing year of off and on, but it was mostly a passion based on our wicked sexual chemistry (go figure), and not the real loving relationship i began to think i deserved and could experience again.

and then i spent last weekend in san francisco with the v.d.b.

it was the door being held open for me. it was someone making me dinner. it was sitting in a theatre watching a play and having our arms entwined. it was holding hands in a taxicab. it was being told "you look lovely" when i traded my khakis for a skirt to go out in. it was kisses curbside at the airport. it was all the little demonstrations of affection that were signaling to me that someone cared for me. it was four days of what i've wanted to find myself capable of again.

and then it was a grueling conversation telling me that it wasn't what i thought it was.

and the rug was pulled out from me again.

i'm not all the way back at the square one i went to when matt and i ended. i can function socially, rather well, and i've choked out some pretty hearty sobs, and i'm not going to stick my head in the oven or anything. but i am fighting those scary feelings of having been lied to. and i'm scared to trust in my gut instincts again. i am worried that there is no merit in my believing that anyone is going to feel more than an obligation to show me a good time in the pursuit of knowing me sexually, rather than the possibility that someone out there is willing and able to love me.

love me for the amazing person that i know with all confidence that i am.

when i was about ten i went on my first and only overnight canoe trip with my summer camp cabin. the trip was rather disastrous, as we lost a canoe, went to the wrong island campsite, and i learned for the first time what the saying "the straw that breaks the camel's back" meant. but we'd set up camp on this teeny tiny mass of land in the middle of the lake. i slipped away from my camp mates, and sat on a warm, smooth rock, and looked at the ripples moving across the dark water, and the sun glistening on its surface, the rich velvet green of the distant trees, the blue summer sky. i wrote a little sing-song poem that i have not forgotten in all these years:

sitting on this rock i see
the beauty that lies in front on me
i can't stay here all my life
but i'm fine, fine, fine for now.

so i'm no wordsworth, or cummings, but i was a ten year old girl, and i knew that i had to look at that moment for what it was--just a beautiful moment. and though we can't stay there forever, it's okay to be fine for the time being.

thursday morning, before any of this trauma happened, i gave a ride to a young co-worker of mine to santa monica for an interview. while he was being interviewed, i drove a few blocks and found myself at the beach. i rolled up my jeans, slid off my sandals, and made my way down to the water.

it was a cloudy, gray day, but there were still kids playing, and folks jogging. i had my camera with me, by chance, so i finished off my roll of film. and i stood still, thinking, "this is the edge of the continent".

so here i am, at the water's edge once more. i've changed a lot, fundamentally, in the past few years. as an improviser i have learned to embrace the moment, and to do nothing but the next logical thing. i'm struggling to not devalue what i've just experienced, but instead to try to make it more of a shore's edge slice of time, where the view was absolutely breathtaking, and the peace and delight were temporary at best. for now i don't know if i can trust again. i thought it was safe last week, and it turns out i was wrong. and that hurt is immeasurable. he and i, well, we're friends again, and i am fine with that.

fuzzeranne, and ashley, and juniper, and l.q.t. and angel bunny, and all my beloved friends tell me that i am handling this rather well. i don't think i have a choice in the matter.

the tide goes in, and the tide goes out. i guess i knew it when i was ten, and i know it now.

*warning: you may notice a complete lack of sassy-ness here. it's gonna be like that for a while. that's just the way it is. "it's not you, it's me."


horseshit.

i feel like i'm obligated to tell you all something. otherwise i'd be living some kind of lie. i'm never the one to shut up about something, i always have to put a word in, to let people in on how i'm feeling.

everything is entirely, completely, unforgiveably, irrepairably, undeniably, hopelessly FUCKED UP.

i am torn between censoring myself because the cause of this situation is surely reading this, and between saying FUCK THAT and telling it like it is.

i don't know what to do because things came crashing down this afternoon. i want to talk about it, and yet i just would rather scream. i want to not write and post this because i'm mad and i will probably say the wrong thing, or say something i'll regret. although, really, it's gone beyond that.

so, yeah, you can guess, this has to do with the boy. the boy who was so fucking flattered that i had a crush on him. the boy who treated me like no one has treated me before all last weekend, and then decided sometime in there that it would never work. without even really trying. for a myriad of reasons that make some sense, and yet make no sense at all. here i am thinking that i've met someone that cared for me the way i cared for them. the boy who planned out a romantic weekend, including getting us a hotel room for two nights, and holding my hand, and holding me all night, and treating me the way i'd always wanted to be treated.

i wish this didn't matter to me. i wish i could see past the immense hurt and confusion that i feel right now.

i thought that we were starting something. slowly, and tenuously, but something that could grow to be something so rewarding and lovely.

fear and insecurity are horrendous things. right now it is all i can see, coming from me, coming from him, and for very different reasons.

i feel cheated. betrayed. used. duped. sad. angry. scared. lost. lonely. bewildered.

i am beyond hurt.

how can any one person have such an impact on me?

"this is what i was afraid of happening." is his reaction.

ultimately, i guess, me too.

i don't know what will help me right now. i wish things were very different.

i have to go now. there is too much, and yet nothing left in me.

as of right now:

• i am getting the feeling that something is amiss with my current financial aid application. not good.
  
• i am more concerned with being able to afford the felicity: sophomore year dvd set that comes out june 24th than with being able to afford a parking permit and books on the first day of school, which also happens to be june 24th. (oh crap, relief! it's been postponed until july 22. but, oh crap, that sucks, i want to watch it now!)
  
• i must confess that the delay in getting the remaining mugs out is a combination of apathy on my part, and the lack of the right sized boxes to mail them out in.
  
• i am ready to drop in the mail my request form to get a free autographed picture of mary-kate and ashley olsen, along with samples of their fragrance. bring it on!
  
• i have not unpacked from either my weekend in mammoth nor my vacation in s.f. this goes hand in hand with the disaster area that is my room.
  
• i have firmly reincorporated into my vocabulary the phrase "they don't pay me enough to care."
  
• they don't pay me enough to care.
  
• it feels pretty good that i cleaned the bathroom.
  
• i am happy being a semi-proficient web dork.
  
• some rank-ass stomach bug has just about finished wreaking havoc on my system.
  
• i'm afflicted with an acute case of consumerism-envy, as i just strolled the aisles of target, and left with only toilet paper and a cheap washcloth, rather than the hundreds of items i really wanted but can't afford nor properly justify buying.
  
• i am excited about my half-birthday party, but don't really know how it's all going to come together.
  
• i would like to be the kind of crafty girl who made her own greeting or note cards.
  
• i am in this weird happy-sad-anxious-determined-frustrated state.
  
• i am still a little stunned at how eerily accurate my june horoscope is. i mean, it’s unbelievably accurate.
  
• madonna's song "amazing" is speaking volumes to me.
  
• i miss the boy. a lot.

monumental-ism

as i was driving home from blogger's latest protégée fuzzeranne's cozy apartment late last night, my mind turned to times in my life that were monumental. as in pivotal, heart racing, key, vital, life-changing moments that come along every now and then. sometimes we don't know those moments are so pivotal, so darn monumental, until much later, when the ripple effect of the moment flutters into our future and changes our paths, our destinies.

i've had many such moments, each one deliciously different. i think they are all good, positive moments, for although many a gut-wrenchingly awful moment has been pivotal (read: break-ups), it's much nicer to look back on the good ones.

my decision, at 13, to move from my dad and step-mom's house in toronto to live with my mom and step-dad in los angeles forever altered the course of my life. it brought me to a new home, a new country, a new way of life entirely. and just in that first, tentative year of high school i had many such moments: meeting dear bunny, deciding 'what the heck' and trying out for the school play, and getting conveniently assigned the advanced english class by my counselor. my high school years, though now they are beginning to show up as sepia-toned stills in my mind, are ripe with adventure and scandal, dear readers, that will make for lovely stories to tell you someday. (think teacher student love affairs, movie of the week style).

there is no way i can possibly deny that the choice laurie and i made to move to new york after high school was monumental. i credit that as a character-defining moment. who was that gutsy girl? i think possibly shades of her are egging me on to san francisco. i think i've been looking for that girl in me for years. it's nice to have her around; she's the fearless sort.

then there is why i got involved in improv. two and a half years ago i felt i needed to do something to get back in to acting; it had been years since i'd indulged the actress in me. so a stroll through my struggling artsy neighborhood revealed that most classes i could take were audition oriented, except the one kind of performance i was most afraid of...improv. well, what better way to kick myself in the ass. not only did it change my life, but also it improved the quality of my life. and the friends that i've made will be with me for a lifetime, like the talented ms. fuzzeranne, beloved gal-pal, hairstylist and self-esteem guru coral, darling alison, the indefatigable judy (see last week's tribute) and beloved housemate angel bunny. oh, and (grins, blushes), truth be told, the v.d.b. as well hails from that gang.

every first kiss, and every first intimacy is pivotal in its own way. some more than others. and, of course, the kisses that you last tasted stand out as the most important--because it is rippling through your life right now...making little changes along the way. making big changes down the line.

the trouble with monumental moments is you just can't have one when you want one. i can't pencil one in on my calendar, i can't possibly plan out what to wear for one. i can't predict when one will happen. so, instead, i do the small things day to day. i spend the day home, sick in bed, and venture out to watch a movie with a dear friend. i clean my room, i plan my half-birthday party. i buy some groceries. i type a blog post. i go to work. next week, i return to school for the first of the last three quarters.

i guess i'm riding out on a ripple now, hanging ten on the wave that resulted from my pivotal s.f. jaunt. and, believe me, i'm not complaining. i have so much going on, so much to look forward to, so much to plan for in the year ahead.

the view from here... it's pretty good.

ducks in a row

now, quite frankly, i am going to go ahead and be up front with you.

i don't actually have any ducks.

however, i have returned home to the infamous "same shit different day" of my l.a.-l.a.-land life, and have spent the past 24 hours or so coming out of my san francisco fog.

f.y.i. only one co-worker asked me how my trip was.

i spent the day muttering curses regarding the remaining selfish trolls under my breath.

the balance of the day was spent working. well, working on resisting the urge to tell everyone to "fuck off", punch 'em in the face, and go eat a sandwich. (i ate the sandwich).

now it is time to get those proverbial ducks in a row.

1. i have about nine classes left to take to get my degree. holy cow! it might be mission impossible, but i am willing to get them all done in the next three quarters...which would mean that i graduate in march 2004. that gives me a couple of "cushion" months to prepare for the big move northward. this could be good. now, if cal state would just cooperate, and offer what i need to take, when i need to take it...

2. i have some messy finances. must-straighten-out. 'nuff said.

3. i need to find a way to make some more money without getting a second job. i'm thinking of trying to set up a web page to hock my artsy wares. you know, platters, bowls, cups, pitchers, jars, trays, tiles.. the whole nine yards. and also i'm thinking "sell your junk", as in videos, books, doo-dads, hoo-has, thingees, and knick-knacks. mooooove 'em out. cha-ching! garage sale? ebay?

4. i need to curb my spending. as in, "self, you're cut off!" (see numbers 2 and 3 above). choose "take a walk" over "go and buy a/some/that ___________". this is a toughie. 'cause mama can shop, and how.

i'm sure there's more, but this is a pretty hefty starting lineup.

think: "the little engine that could"--with red hair, stacks of hand-painted ceramics, geek tendencies, razor wit, cute shoes showcasing a cute pedicure, and a darling coordinating handbag. that's me.

servin' it up oprah style: gratitude

i am ever so grateful for many, many things. some of which include:

• eelnahs, styrofoamkitty, and texas t-bone for the various treats that came in the mail from them. (extended gratitude to be expressed privately)
  
• my twin sister, ashley olsen, for being the best twin sister ever. xoxo from mary kate. (ok, ok, this is beyond the scope of an inside joke. to translate: "i love my friend ashley!")
  
• my housemates, l.q.t. and angel bunny, for being the loveliest gals to come home to.
  
• carrot cake. that shit is yummy. and i can pretend i'm eating healthy vegetables.
  
• being a blossoming web programming dork. i heart html! i heart dreamweaver! i heart blogging!
  
• my family. for various reasons, they all rock, when it really comes down to it.
  
• the v.d.b. (come on, now, you think i'd leave that one off the list! no way, no how!)

public service announcement: the missionary position

hallelujah! and can i get an amen?

i have converted an unsuspecting citizen! my beloved fuzzeranne, one damn sexy, smart, funny and talented little number all on her own, has crossed to the dark side and has entered the blogosphere.

for the love of whatever god you're in to, please check her out. say hello. leave a kind comment. do yourself the favor. and then thank me later.

ladies and gentlemen, i give you: everything's turning up jazzhands. go. click. now.

thank you, and have a nice day.

i left my heart in san francisco

i will have to admit that i am a little uncertain of what to post... my head is spinning with all the collected snippets of sweet and lovely things that my san francisco trip is made up of. my mind and my heart are hosting this amazing collage of thoughts, sights, words, feelings, ideas. if you could crawl inside and see the movie i'm projecting inside my world... well, even then, i don't think you'd be able to know what i was saying.

i brought rolls of film, and didn't take more than a couple of token pictures.

it wasn't that kind of trip.

it was the kind of trip that was so full of great and simple things that make up a series of vignettes that can't possibly translate.

what could i tell you?

i could give you the rundown: saw this, went here, did that.

i could talk about the weather.

i could tell you that i spent four days visiting a city that i feel i already live in.

i could tell you that i was crying when my plane landed in los angeles this evening.

i could tell you things that would make you blush.

i could tell you things that would make you laugh.

i could tell you that i guarantee this is going to be one, long, tough year.

i could bitch and moan about the inevitable: that i must return to work and school.

i could tell my beloved s.f. blogger friends that i'm sorry we didn't meet up; there will be plenty of time for that in the future.

i could tell you that i am not okay with the idea of having to sleep alone tonight, or until i head north again.

i could tell you that i'm already planning to drive up there in august--the sooner the better.

i could tell you that there is one amazing, wonderful, smart, sweet, caring, funny, cute, and loving guy up there that has left this sassy little punkin speechless.

and what will i tell you?

i will tell you that i left my heart in san francisco. and that i hope the boy i've left it with wants to take care of it. it's a tender little thing, though a strong one, too. and that i'm here, with my arms outstretched, ready to care for his heart, if he'll let me.

nothing would make me happier.

wish you were here...





on vacation...be back sunday!

this one's for you!

yesterday i got a phone call from one of the most amazing people i have ever had the privledge to know and call my friend. in fact, up until her world took the most incredible turn for the better a few months ago, she was also my beloved housemate. this woman has a smile that doesn't quit, a laugh that's positively contagious, a spirit that cannot be broken, a drive that is unmatched, a heart that's bigger than the heavens above, and the most amazing and inspiring outlook on life. she tumbled in to my life over two years ago, when i met her in my improv class. it was one of those instances where you meet a person, and know instantly that they fit in to your world like a missing puzzle piece. i was in a stage of emergence from a lengthy stay in the land of social awkwardness, but was compelled to take initiative and get to know her. i thank my lucky stars i did. if ever i need to be cheered up, put in perspective, set in the right direction, reminded of my worth, or just plain hugged, she has always been there. even though we don't get to see each other as often as when her bedroom was next to mine, she is just a heartbeat away. this girl is downright incredible--and the world could not possibly be as beautiful without her in it.

so, since you've been dying for another mention, and so richly deserve one: judy, this one's for you.

love ya, babe!

gather ‘round the fire, kids, it’s story tellin’ time!

“sassy little punkin!” they clamor, “tell us the one about when david duchovny talked about you and your friends when he was a guest on late night with david letterman!! you mentioned it back in april, and never told the whole story!”

“well, sure, everyone! this just happens to be one of my favorite stories to tell!” says sassy little punkin, she rolls her shoulders back, stretches out her arms, gives her neck a little crack-crack. “all set! here we go....”

the one where the sassy little punkin and her friends get talked about by david duchovny while he’s a guest on late night with david letterman; a totally true story!

it was a beautiful summer los angeles afternoon in 1995. bunny, myself, and my surrogate little sister emmett were spending the afternoon out at the third street promenade in santa monica. first we cruised the mall, and made a game out of asking random strangers all sorts of questions. things that make you go “hmmmmm?!”, really. the first question was: “what is victoria’s secret?” the german tourists shrugged and looked puzzled. the old folks made faces. the young folks laughed and made up outrageous answers. the lady who worked at victoria’s secret said, “the secret is, there is no victoria. this company is owned by a man.”

well, that answered that.

so we moved on to another question, and out into the sunny day at the third street promenade.

“do you know what happened to mr.t?” we began to ask the unsuspecting shoppers and tourists. “we heard he was in a wheelchair, or that maybe he had cancer. do you know?”

no one seemed to know! this burning question was remaining elusively unanswered.

we strolled into a small independent music store. the three of us split up, and began to peruse the racks of used cd’s. emmett came up to me and nudged me in the side.

“oh my god, punkin. look who is looking at a poster of himself!”

i turned to see david duchovny, looking up, bemused, at an x files poster that hung on the wall.

i gasped, and then giggled. “bunny is madly in love with him, you know,” i told emmett.

“then let’s follow him!” she said, grabbing me and pulling me towards bunny.

meanwhile, david had escaped the music store. we collected a nervous bunny, and the three of us set off behind the long-legged tv star.

david ducked into the z gallerie. we waited outside, huddled, chattering excitedly.

“i hope he comes out soon,” we said. “i wonder if he knows we’re following him?” we wondered.

david emerged, and continued walking quickly down the promenade. when he veered off suddenly into banana republic, we got the guts up to follow him in.

we cornered him at a table of lightweight sweaters.

“hello, girls,” he said.

“are you...?” we began.

“yes,” he said, a little too quickly.

“bunny here is a big fan of yours, mr. duchovny,” said emmett.

“uhhh, ha ha, hi, ummmm,” stammered bunny.

“well, great, thanks,” he said.

“can we get your autograph?” asked emmett, ever the brazen one.

“sure, sure, do you have something to write on?”

emmett pulled a piece of french homework and a pencil from her purse.

dear bunny. nice to meet you. david duchovny he wrote.

“ask him!” said emmett.

“should we?” i asked.

“ask him!” she said again.

“um, we were wondering, we’ve been asking people today...do you know what happened to mr. t?” i asked.

“yeah, is he in a wheelchair?” chimed in emmett.

“or does he have cancer?” i added.

david looked at us like we’d just landed from mars.

“i don’t really keep up with those things,” he finally offered.

“ok, well, thanks!” we said, and left, bursting with giggles and nervous energy.

fast-forward to a few years later...

i’m on the phone with bunny, still (and to this day, actually) a fervent duchovy-ite, and my call waiting beeps in. It’s a friend, telling me that bunny might like to know that david d himself is on david letterman as we spoke. i clicked back over to bunny, and we both switched our tvs to cbs. we continued to chatter. bunny had thought she’d seen the show before, anyhow. it was clearly a rerun from the week ages ago when letterman filmed his shows in los angeles.

and then we heard letterman ask: “do you have any stories about fans?”

and duchovny replied: “well, i was down on third street promenade the other day...”

and bunny and i screamed.

apparently, duchovny was on to us the whole time. in fact, he was trying to lose us by walking so fast, and then had a flash of mercy, and decided to let us stop him so we could get his autograph. He got the story a little mixed up, too; he said there were only two of us, when there were three. (want to see it? there is a clip of it here.)

but the most unforgivable of all was that he screwed up the punchline to our fabulous story.

“and then they asked me,” he told letterman, “does mr. t have a german shepherd?”

oh well. Even though he took a little poetic license, we still love him.

And i get to say that i was talked about by david duchovny on david letterman.

the end.

“gosh, sassy little punkin, that was a great story!”

“i know, i know, it sure was fun!”

“do you have any more fun celebrity stories?”

“i have tons, everyone, tons!” she pauses, and closes the story book in her lap. “but they can wait for another day.”

"run, baby, run"

so for weeks now i've had the impulse to drive-drive-drive past the usual off ramps, and just keep going on the highway in search of adventure. it's not any sort of melancholy, or depression, or need to flee on a permanent basis, but instead is that yearning ache to turn my eyes on to an unfamiliar landscape, to eat in different restaurants, to get the flavor of anything outside the routine. so ashley's friday morning phone call to me at work was all it took.

"this place is amazing, peanut," she told me. (and yes, she calls me peanut) "i'm set up in this condo, and it's bigger than my own house. it's too nice to be here alone!"

"i wish i could come hang out with you," i said, sadly.

"you should come up here!" exclaimed ashley. "come up here!"

"yeah?"

"yeah!"

"okay!"

"leaving las vegas"

the last time i took a road trip it was the summer of 2001, when bunny, her brother and i went to vegas. i figured i was about due to put the rubber to the road. so what if mammoth is 300 miles north of los angeles? so what if i was just going to be able to stay two nights? so what if i was skipping work on saturday? i've had it up to here with these rules and my way of telling myself that things just aren't possible. i tossed some stuff in a suitcase, grabbed some tunes, gassed up the car, slapped on some chapstick, sucked down a diet coke with lemon, and hit the road.

"strong enough"

it was just after i'd said out loud to myself that it couldn't get any better than singing along to madonna's immaculate collection cd and cruising north on highway 14 when my right front tire blew out.

not in some wussy deflated-but-salvageable way, but in a mutilated-in-eight-directions way.

first there was the pop, and then those few seconds of recognition that something isn't right.

i pulled over on to the gravel shoulder. i pulled the tool kit and the spare out of the trunk, and went to work with the jack.

what a sight i must have been, all disheveled, wearing my old navy pajama tank top that says "star" in the middle (hey, it was hot out, and that was the only non-long-sleeve top i'd packed!), kneeling by the busted tire, trying to crank the jack.

talk about the universe sending me good in return. the universe sent me a kind man named joe who changed my tire for me, and explained each step of the procedure to me.

first he started by explaining that i had the jack upside down.

"can't cry anymore"

a part of me was sad that joe had come along. i had kind of wanted to change the tire on my own, just to sort of prove that i can get done what i need to do. that i won't take shit from life anymore, and that i can handle whatever challenges i'm thrown.

it was when i was driving home (on a new tire that i paid way too much for) that i was able to free up my mind and think about things in life.
and i came to major peace with my feelings about the evil one. suddenly i heard myself say: "i hope he's happy. maybe he loves her. i hope he does. and i hope she loves him." and i meant it. because it's ok that he wasn't the guy for me. it had very little to do with me. and it's done. and they deserve to be happy.

"solidify"

so i got to spend some time with ashley, but outside of our usual element. i fucking love that girl.

"the na-na song"

store wasn't set up-leeann might not show up-french toast-cigarettes-hbo has nothing on. up early-coffee's made-leeann's changed her mind again-breakfast like the mountain girls. don't i know you?-when you know you know, it's true. see the shop, car gets dropped off, leeann's gonna call some dudes, we're snapping photos. even though it's hot the snow is still on the ground. co2, what are you? 8,000 feet up does something to your system. can't resist the bakery, "the divorce, the affair, and then the movie of the week". naptime, what's for dinner? found out how to get a free coke at the mammoth brewing co. who are those girls who always get up and go? dog's got a menu, punkin's got a beer. ashley's gotta bake cupcakes, time to get outta here. first we gotta stop and chat, the mammoth way, don't like that. "i'm so out of town!" sunset but no photos. mary kate and ashley olson, build a fire, say "hello". passed out, lights on, alarm's at five, pancakes, begging "aww, please don't go!" hit the road at six-three-oh, home in on time-to work i go. sunburnt driver's arm, leeann's gone to cambria. ashley's stuck, i'm pooped out. mammoth secretly fukkin' rocked.

"no one said it would be easy"

book arrived in the mail over the weekend: relocating to san francisco.

"what i can do for you"

the one-woman mug production line went back in to gear today. i'll be getting three more out this week for sure! hang in there, everyone!

i was joined at work today by my beloved fuzzeranne, and the phenomenal red. i was treated to a blizzard (accompanied, naturally, by an "evil one and the bridesmaid" drive-by sighting. oh well) and a sandwich, and my amazingly bright, charming, talented, beautiful and witty gal pals spent the afternoon getting their paint groove on. they made some gorgeous pieces, and i got to be in the company of these fine gals. this was definitely a win-win situation.

"all i wanna do"

right now it's about all i can do to keep my eyes open. the long drives and the mountain walks have made my butt muscles rage and my knee caps wobbly. (not to mention my nose bloody, my head achy and my sinuses cloggy...yum, mountain air!) i have to do my recitation tomorrow, and every time i try to recite it in my head i start to recite the passage i had to memorize for the professor last november which will do me absolutely no good tomorrow. i just want to get it over with, and not fall flat on my face. and then just get through finals on wednesday. i know, i know, it's all i talk about. but it's all i want to do--get it over with!

"we do what we can"
so, needless to say, i might not be such a presence these next few days. i will try to surf on over and leave a kind word, or a witty remark. i will post as i can, and i will try to leave the words "recitation" "finals" and "studying" out as much as possible. but because of my "recitation", my "finals" and the "studying" i absolutely have to do in order to pass my classes, i might not be around as much.

you understand. and i love you all the same, if not more. (giggle, giggle, blush.)

and, lest i haven't beaten you collectively over the head with this bit of information, i am leaving on a jet plane thursday morning for...

well, you know where.

"i shall believe"

"that not everything is going to be the way you think it ought to be. seems like every time i try to make it right it all comes down on me. please say, honestly, you won't give up on me. i shall believe. i shall believe."

*sheryl crow. tuesday night music club

why every now and then it's fun to be me:

• i played in a kick-ass theatresports match last night with some of my favorite fellow improvisers. though the house was far from full we still kept 'em entertained. we did some great scenes, told some great stories, and most importantly had a lot of fun.
  
• i received a surprise instant message from one of my original blogging heroines! i think afterwards i actually *skipped* down the street to work.
  
• another round of sassy mugs are on their way to their destinations! i will work on another few this weekend.
  
• i am being young and impetuous tonight and driving almost 300 miles to beautiful mammoth, california to join beloved ashley. she's up there through work, helping one of my all-time favorite franchisees open her new store there. i couldn't resist the invite to crash in the chalet style condo and take a mini-break. hey, you only live once!
  
• comments, comments, comments! you are all leaving me the kindest, most supportive, loving, encouraging, entertaining, witty, insightful, charming, delightful and 'sassy' comments. which means a lot to me. i beam with pride when i click the comments box. so thanks, gang!
  
• apparently, i tell great stories. day-to-day life friends have been surfing the site, and letting people know that i've posted some good stories, and encouraging folks to read them. writing for this site has really taken me to a more 'writerly' place in my life; i feel like i am much better equipped to apply to MFA programs in creative writing now, and i feel more like the writer i used to be.
  
• did i mention i was going to san francisco next thursday? oh, yeah... i think i mentioned it. i can't wait!

have a sensational weekend! i am sure i will!

from the desk of the s.l.p.: status report

as we slide into the "one-week" homestretch countdown phase, a little status report is a good thing to keep the team players on the same page.

there is one long-chain of workdays ahead left to conquer. it is best advised that we try to balance recreation and duty while at the place of employment. blogging and mug-making are valid distractions.

there is the matter of the middle english recitation put off from last week. it must be done. no two ways about it. and make it good.

it is imperative that we discard the slogan adopted tuesday ("studying is for sissies!") and that we actually study for final exams. this will require that the tv be turned of, the away message employed, and the blogs surfed minimally. and that we read. (note: extra coffee may be necessary)

one of your biggest challenges will come tonight, in the form of the live improvised show we are going to be in. yes, that's right. we are braving once again the stage, and are playing in a theatresportsshow tonight. (do be sure to let everyone know that if they are in the los angeles area, they are welcome to come check it out!) don't worry that it's your first show in almost 4 months. you'll be fine. just have fun.

and remember...one week from today you're on a flight to san francisco. i don't expect you've forgotten this fact in the past couple of weeks. you'll get there...just make it through this week.

are we on the same page, everyone?

can i get a group hug before we go out into the field?

reciprocity

i am beginning to wonder if there is anything to that whole "you get what you give" way of thinking. (in addition, this causes that one-hit-wonder by the new radicals to play over and over in my mind.) but seriously, is it really true that what i put 'out there' will be returned to me? are we talkin' karma here? do bad guys always get theirs in the end? do all dogs go to heaven?

i would say that i am very good at giving (providing, issuing, and so forth) many, many things.

so i would like to "get" some of (or more of, in select cases) these things in return.

• moral support
  
• hugs
  
• small gifts for no occasion
  
• informative communication
  
• head
  
• comic relief
  
• thanks where thanks are due
  
• of myself
  
• love

important public service announcemnt:

ok, i'm making a major amendment to my gift of mugs offer.

bottom line. i need to already know who you are. as in, i read your blog and probably link to it. as in you've been commenting on mine, and link to me. i mean, i'm nice and all, but come on, people, be realistic. i'm not giving shit out to random strangers. if you can't understand this, or think i'm an ass, well, then you aren't the kind of person i want to give a gift to anyhow. got it? good.

we now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

three part harmony:

i wanna tell you that lately...

• my favorite song is "what new york couples fight about" by morcheeba
  
  
• i have one children's chewable vitamin tablet a day
  
  
• i am trying to not go to sleep with the tv on
  
  
• i have been getting rid of excess crap in my house, just throwing it out
  
  
• i'm oscillating between junk food binges and eating healthy like a champ
  
  
• i smoke most often in my car, and at my computer.
  
  
• i'm finding it difficult to put on my favorite necklaces because of my fingernails
  
  
• i'm 'counting down' days constantly
  
  
• i write prolific and what i consider to be important emails, to which i receive no replies
  
  
• blogger is getting on my last nerve
  
  
• i'd rather be playing in dreamweaver or downloading songs from kazaa than doing homework
  
  
• i've been forgetting to charge up my cellphone, dammit (athough i did discover i can have it display a cartoon cat, and my banner read "here kitty kitty" which cracks me up)
  
  
• i wish lifetime would quit showing crap movies about abused women and just show 'golden girls' 24-7

i wanna know: do you want a mug, too?

i will happily, willingly, and most assuredly handpaint mugs for anyone i know who wants one. it is my pleasure to do so! (and for free!)
stipulation: i gotta know who you are already. as in, you link to me, i link to you. i've seen your name in my comments box, or i'm always commenting in yours. random strangers need not apply. i don't care how much you *love* my blog--i just can't love you all back.
i will need to be emailed with a little info.

1. your real name

2. your mailing address (best place to receive a u.p.s.)

3. your favorite colors

4. design info: flowery? geometric? striped? plain? (girls: if you send me a photo i can do a portrait--see secret agent josephine's archives for an photo of her mug)

5. is your blog a secret? as in, if no one knew i had a blog (ahahahahaha) then i probably wouln't want a mug that says "sassy little punkin" etc.

and, well, it's that easy. i'll get right on them!

i wanna hold your hand

because, well... i just do. soon.

talk about a blizzard!

i'll tell ya... there's nothing nicer on a balmy north hollywood monday night than a walk down to the local dairy queen to get a frosty sweet treat.

just ask my ex-boyfriend and his ugly-ass girlfriend.

oh well. we all have pasts. unfortunately some of them live on my street, and like to get ice cream at the same time i'm driving home from school.

things i'd rather do than memorize middle english:

attempt to redesign my page using dreamweaver.

oh lordy, i need help! anyone know the ins and outs of dreamweaver?

i had my new layout published, but in light of it's ugliness...i'll just be patient. crap.

the news and the weather

good friend, sleepy friend:

this saturday i got up at 3:30 a.m.to accompany ashley to the annual shabby chic warehouse sale. we were in line with hundreds of other westside jewish women by 5:15 a.m. i had managed to be exhausted friday night, which facillitated my going to bed at 8:30 in the evening. which also facilliated my not remembering having a phone conversation (consisting mostly of my sleepily slurring things) with beloved friend bunny. the jungle cats were let loose (in numerical order, myself and ashley bearing numbers 160 and 161 respectively) at 8 a.m., and we tore through the super-markdowns with a frenzied zeal. it was dog eat dog in the flesh in that crowded warehouse. professional housewives in yoga gear and fake tans tore through boxes of sheets, pillowcases and dust ruffles at lightening speed. we were out the door with our bargains (a bedskirt that retails $209 went for $20) by 9 a.m, and safely home to the hot and sweaty valley before 9:30.

"i believe you can get me through the night..."

this weekend i also downloaded and installed dreamweaver software. yikes! as you can tell, i am able to switch colors around, and edit fonts on my existing page, but, damn, if i can't quite figure out how to build a page from scratch. anyone have any hints? i bought a book, but i was reading it at 6 a.m. while we sat in our lawn chairs and sipped lattes from the coffee bean travel-truck in line for the sale. so i guess i wasn't exactly a focussed student.

fell asleep before the end of martha inc.

my weekend also included work (snore) and plenty of crap t.v. i also had long-awaited gab fests with bunny (she had to tell me that we talked friday night, and i had not remembered until she did), and also cherished gal-pal and hairdresser coral. i'm starting to tell folks that i am moving to san francisco next year...and not just thinking about it, but really getting ready to do it. i'm going to miss my friends, but this is the first major thing i'm doing for me in a long, long, time. going to a new city (a city i fell in love with ten years ago), and going to school to be in a community of writers... well, it's just what i need right now. too bad i have to wait a year, but i do get a taste of the city in a week and a half...and a visit with the v.d.b.... sigh. lucky girl, that's me!

and in the weather today...

in a couple of hours i am making my presentation in my meteorology class. i have opted to do the forecasting presentation, and my selected city is san francisco. (hmmm, i wonder why?) i have my maps and charts, and my best weather-girl attitude ready to go. actually, despite being an improviser, public speaking of this nature scares the bejeesus out of me. i am following up my weather girl act this morning with an evening recitation of "the friar's prologue" from the canterbury tales in my chaucer class. i suppose i ought to spend my afternoon memorizing it, since i haven't done that yet. again, the bejeesus is scared right outta me. time to go buff and polish myself. this weather girl needs to look the part!

editorial segment

i hate it when i make a good post on a friday, and no one reads it. so i'm here to tell you, my friday post is good reading. stick around and read it, if you haven't. i'm in storyteller mode, only there's no fiction (just friction) (ok punkin, you need coffee before you make bad jokes like that). indulge me! read the one below!