whoo-hoo!





...and though i know not all 50,000 plus words are perfect, nor called for by the story, they're there, and in the coming months The Triangle Squared will blossom under my deadline-pressure-free fingertips as the fully-developed novel it deserves to be. now, back to our regularly scheduled programming of school work. unless, that is, i can distract myself sufficiently with learning css and redesigning my page. hmmm...

thankful

talking turkey

we were advised by our professor last night to be sure to take thanksgiving day off, to rest, to relax, to celebrate, and to give ourselves just that one day away from school work and other obligations. i think i gave a little snort laugh in reply, and sighed to myself: "impossible."

i was thinking of the twelve page paper i had to do for this very same professor. i thought about the poetry portfolio, presentation and reflective paper i had to assemble for my other class. i thought about the three weeks of assignments i'd been given a grace period on for my tutoring workshop. i thought about, somewhat gratuitously, i suppose, my nanowrimo novel.

hence the sigh, the snort laugh, the "impossible."

this is undoubtedly the most hectic and busy time of year at the ceramics studio; our weekends, and now weekdays and weeknights, have been crammed with birthday parties for young and old, family gatherings, furtive gift making and the increased share of work that produces on our side. not that i'm complaining, mind you. the tips are streaming in--streaming me towards my goal of buying myself a shiny new ipod soon--and the busy days make clock-watching a think of the blurry past. and these are my last few weeks working there; by january 2nd i will be back to being a one-job horse, what with my promotion at the writing center and a set of fortuitous circumstances that have enabled me to eradicate a great deal of financial obligations and to focus more exclusively on school.

but not this weekend. not yet. i'm on the books for work friday, saturday, sunday--the usual triumverate of weekend melee. (how many weeks til christmas? how excited am i that i'm getting flown up to vancouver to be with my whole family for the holidays this december?)

this year's turkey is sliding into the oven under the care of my hands; i am so thankful that i get to spend thursday with my family and i am most thankful for my mom's healthy triumph, and i want to do what i can to give her this day to rest. so i'm strategizing the stuffing, considering the legumes, and getting ready to roast the turkey. and i'm thinking maybe, just maybe, i can leave all my secondary sources for my paper on the trauma of female authorship and the autobiographical impulse in relation to mary shelley's frankenstein at home. maybe i won't sweat the poetry until a chilly weekend evening when the words can keep me warm. maybe i can give myself this day to be with my family, to rest, to relax, to celebrate and to enjoy the bounty of our (modest, three-person) thanksgiving feast. right? right?

...thank god they have the internet.

belated birthday at bodyworlds pictures

last weekend was housemate (and older by six weeks sister) l.q.t.'s birthday, and she gathered up her boyfriend, me, and our third housemate angel bunny for an afternoon trip to the california science center (or sciencenter, as they annoyingly call it) to see the controversial exhibit bodyworlds. yes, it's a strange place to want to go on your birthday, but the birthday girl's wish was granted, and the four of us made our way through the bizarre and fascninating (and crowded!) exhibit. turns out you aren't allowed to take photos inside the exhibit; i snuck a couple of shots before the staff started to hawk-eye me from the perimeter, and whisper to each other that "she's got it hidden in her scarf!" the bodies on display are real human bodies that have undergone plastination to be preserved and to be manipulated into positions, revealing select systems, like vascular or muscular. there's an odd detachment, i found, in viewing the bodies as such, and it is perhaps so real that it seems fake; you forget that these are real and think it's just some kind of disney magic. it was pretty claustrophobic in there, and i had to get to work and the others wanted to enjoy a birthday lunch, so we made short work of it. it was nice to get out, though, and to see what's there down at exposition park (plenty of rabid u.s.c. fans, that's for sure!). warning, the body pictures, being what they are, might not be everyone's cup of tea.


outside the building is an enormous model of what seems to be dna (double helix?). angel bunny thought perhaps it was just a single helix, but what do i know? i don't claim to be an expert in science, that's for sure. i do know that it made for some really neat photographs.


i love signs! this was inside the foyer of the building.


one of the bodies, in a glass case.


two males showing different systems. upstairs (where i wasn't able to take out my camera at all) they had many vascular system bodies, just ribbons and ribbons of tiny blood vessels and veins, and also an entire section on the fetus and pregnant women.


l.q.t. rides the escalator.

repairs

today was a lesson in reaping the rewards of just facing it paired with an ample dose of sometimes all you need to do is ask. i'm my very own super heroine of the ratio problem: solved (or at the very least solving-in-progress). chalk it up to the "new" math or the mechanic; the key thing is i'm not actually falling apart here.

as of mid-morning my computer was humming contendedly with the familliar pulse and pace of the restored cable internet connection. shortly thereafter i was off to the auto mechanic's, just as fast as my feet could carry me, to retrieve my beloved (and troublesome) jetta; she'd been sitting there awaiting the green light to get fixed for a few weeks now, held up by the dire need to add some funds to the repair-pot. we'll consider the downside aspect the fact that the car isn't currently registered--a hefty trip to the dmv, some serious check writing and a boatload of paper chasing await me--the solving-in-progress part. i've accepted a promotion at the writing center (more hours! more money!) and in telling my boss, kelsey, about it she solved my worry about how i was going to resign; she said (with genuine concern and not the "there's the door, asshole" tone i'm used to) "then you can't work here anymore, you'll go crazy!" and that was that.

monday i had hit the good old proverbial wall. i took my 'mental health day' and it felt good. i needed it. i still hear odd noises and think i can attribute them to the cat, and i still have 'problems' that i'm in the process of solving. but so many kind people have helped me get through: my beloved friends with their humor and support (swag! hugs! jokes!), my teachers with their gracious extension of deadlines and 'open door' policies (particularly my former professor, who when my friend blurted out that it was my dream for her to adopt me she just grinned and said: "well, i never had a daughter!"), my family, and my housemates. to just hear: "you're doing a good job," and "you're going to be fine," has helped put this disconnected person back together. and it's nice to be back.

disconnect

i've been feeling isolated from the world around me lately, that is, from the world beyond what i've created for myself. the days are sliding by like liquid, and all my obligations are the thirst that must be met. i was sideswiped by sadness last week when my beloved cat, delilah, passed away in the early morning hours of thursday, just minutes after i made the painful and teary call to the vet to arrange to have her put to sleep. when i'm gone all day to work or school and i come home it hits me that my furry companion isn't going to bound down the stairs to greet me, nor is she going to lap up the last droplets of milk in my morning oatmeal bowl, nor torment me with her sneezes or ambitions to be showered with tasty kitty treats. it makes coming home lonelier, and, frankly, a lot less like coming home. and i tap out these thoughts from the uncomfortable position of on my knees on the unfamilliar and somewhat smaller keyboard of my housemate angel bunny's charming purple imac; you see, the disconnect has gone so far as to have my internet connection troubled enough to require a visit from the infamous cable (internet) guy, who, naturally, can't grace me with his presence until wednesday. my world is all about employing expansive metaphors to help people learn the art of the five paragraph essay, to help smart mouthed kids and hyper-critical adults produce a higher quality of crap in the form of handpainted ceramics. it's saying things ad nauseum, like on a tape loop, like how many coats of underglaze are needed to make a solid background, or what the purpose and function of a thesis statement is. it's typing up meeting notes and writing poems under pressure. it's trying to figure out just how the hell i'm supposed to read all the material i need to in order to put together a fabulous annotated bibliography. my world is turning in a blur, and i can feel it--i can feel it moving past me, and i can feel myself getting progressively more lost in the details: the arrival times, the outlines, the "hi how are you today?"s, the roller coaster of melodrama, the loss, the burdensome gains. but where am i? i don't know. i have no clue what's happened to me. just me. today a sore throat and the realization that the world would rather i just keep to myself for a few hours has prompted me to do the unthinkable and call in sick to my job at the writing center. i've got just enough of me left to feel guilty and selfish, but for a girl who hasn't had a day off in almost two months, well, maybe the whirr and buzz can squash my conscience's nagging objections. because the disconnect can't find a place for me out there today. the disconnect is sending me back to bed. can't you hear the dialtone? it bears an annoying resemblance to that leaf blower outside...

a nasty case of the way too earlies

today someone actually said to me: "have a merry christmas!"

in praise of the low-light

in a weekend that included such highlights as: getting to 2,377 words on my nanowrimo novel, being treated to a sunday night at the movies by kelsey to see ray (loved it!), a late night dinner with bunny and her brother, doing loads of much-needed laundry, getting a phone call from a guy i'd all but written off as being "just not that in to me," conquering my fear of filling balloons with helium from a tank, and scoring high marks on the dawson's creek season four trivia game, i would have to admit that quite possibly the best part was more of a low-light. it's something i like to call the "pepperoni compromise"; i was faced with a hungry group of kids at one of the birthday parties being held at my work, and i had five hands waving and five mouth clamoring for another slice of pepperoni pizza, but i only had two left. i did, however, have a whole pie's worth of cheese. no one would sacrifice their portion for another, no little boy would be a gentleman, no lady a martyr for the cause. so i counted the slivers of pepperoni on my two slices, and proposed to the group that i could redistribute the pepperoni so that they each got one slice on their piece. and so five hands accepted tailored pieces, and five mouths chewed contendedly, and this dork felt kind of proud of herself for being so inventive.

further proof of my dorkdom, yes. a low-light, yes. but a nice moment in another one of my busy, hectic, tiring weekends... most definitely.

today is not a good day to be a democrat

i'm baffled at the mentality of 51% of yesterday's voting population. i can't fathom how so many people are so eager and willing to continue with four more years under the guidance of someone who will most likely undo over one hundred years of social progress. who may jeopardize a woman's right to choose. who will ensure our status as the laughingstock of global politics. who will continue to make decisions that jeopardize our safety at home and abroad, all the while continuing to put limitations on our civil liberties at home in the name of 'homeland securiy.'

i.just.don't.get.it.

as the final, gavel-dropping, news of kerry's upcoming concession came down via the television news and my nytimes.com homepage, i started to bawl. tears that couldn't dislodge themselves in the wake of personal tragedy like break-ups and squabbles and dire private scenarios seemed to flow copiously. my bewildered cat came to sit with me at the edge of my bed, where i'd left my psyche perched through the night of hearing of that big map turing redder and redder still.

i have no choice but to distract myself with my nanowrimo novel, with developing a research topic about frankenstein and mary shelley's autobiographical impuse from a feminist perspective, with doing mindless household errands before i have to head off to work this evening.

it's not a good day to be a democrat. i want to give john kerry a hug and applaud his efforts. i want to offer my support to hillary clinton for '08. i want to find a reason to feel i can sleep safely at night for the next four years, and to know that the decisions that are made in that time don't hurt my future.

it's all just making me sick.

vote for me

readers familiar with the s.l.p. brand of humor or introspection or wordy melodrama will know that this has never ever been a page about politics, political causes, party lines (unless it's that horridly long line for the bathroom at a particularly interesting party) or soapbox speeches. today, however, i take one exception to my own rule.

the thing is, today is election day here in the u.s. of a, and i can't vote; i'm not a u.s. citizen. and it's killing me. i would give anything to be able to make my opinion matter by casting a ballot, whether it be touch screen or dimpled chads or absentee-style. because as it stands, with things the way they are in america, i have no right to complain because i have not been part of the decision making process. i didn't help or hinder the governator's bid for office, so when he gave a thumbs-up to hiking tuition at my school yet another year, i can't get all that mad. i can't sign a petition, i can't write a letter, i can't vote him out of office.

this election is historic; the scene has already been set for a neck-and-neck race in a nation rather bitterly and emphatically divided. there are men and women who are overseas right now who are dying, day after day; i think there couldn't be anything more american than to wish that those men and women didn't have to be there, and that they could come home safely to their friends and loved ones. i am of the opinion that we have no business being in iraq in the first place; there are so many problems at home that need our attention first. i'm scared that the next four years will continue to isolate the middle class and those at or below the poverty line from opportunity and aid. i'm scared that women may have to face the loss of the right to choose. i'm scared that two people who love each other will not be able to get married, regardless of their sex. i'm scared that in the name of money,power, business and greed the united states will put not only its armed forces at risk, but further jeopardize the safety and wellfare of us here at home. i'm just scared.

look, it's not a big secret that i'm one of those 'democrats.' i cringed yesterday when the students for bush people tried to lure me to their table and shower me with propaganda. and i don't think politicians are particular admirable; by the nature of their chosen path they are expected to be and are often duplicitous and mudslinging and manipulative. they have teams of people doing the bulk of the work for them (what's that joke about cheney having to shove his hand up dubya's butt to work the puppet mechanism?). and i don't understand how any young person, any woman, or any person of color could not want to get bush out of office. the good old white boys club is interested in themselves and few others. look, you may think i'm just another bleeding heart--fine, that's your opinion. but i care about the environment, about healthcare being accessible and affordable, about tax advantages that don't exclusively help the rich get richer, about our international reputation as a militarisic and opportunistic nation being led by a bumbling idiot (as much as you may have switched to saying 'freedom fries' a couple of years ago, there's a reason why international newspapers like france's le monde endorse kerry emphatically), about women's rights, the needs of the elderly, the cost of higher education, advancements for minorities and people of color and the freedoms we believe so firmly in each and every day.

but those are my beliefs. and on election day i can't do a damn thing about them. but if you are a u.s. citizen over the age of eighteen, out of prison and registered: vote! make your opinions count. have a say. at this point, i don't care who you vote for. just don't sit back and let other people make your choices. be heard. take part. vote. vote. vote. vote for me... because i can't. just vote.

exit october, enter november

october ended with a long and busy weekend of work (boo: sore feet, extra long hours/yeah: enough tip money to buy gas and groceries!) and general avoidance of all things halloween. i did, however, attend a halloween soiree on friday night where i was entertained by my fabulous hosts in their beyond-fabulous house (built in 1911, rock walls, beamed ceilings, narrow staircases, rambling layout, secret nooks, garret rooms, outdoor fireplace) and their eclectic assortment of guests: man so in denial about his homosexuality he became an active republican who starts all stories with "iwasdatingthisgirlandshe...", people who often appear on the show scrubs (and who also perform a kick-ass song using a piano and a talking pumpkin), a girl in a snow-white-as-hooker outfit and a pair of un-p.c. parental units. i also got a crash course in the friday the 13th movie series thanks to bunny. pacey and joey finally did it on the season 4 dawson's creek dvds. i still haven't read frankenstein.

...but, i did see lindsay lohan in a parking lot outside a starbucks on sunday.

november starts with a grumbling morning of "i don't wanna get up and go to school and be a tutor!" it's also nanowrimo time, and this year, crazy as it sounds, i intend on being a winner. it's also countdown to housemate l.q.t.'s birthday, it's thanksgiving month (which means i get a whole entire day-or two-off) and maybe, just maybe, it's the month i get my financial aid checks and i can get my car fixed and repay some major debt.

and who knows... maybe i'll run in to hilary duff outside a coffee bean!