bits

yesterday i sat through "root canal: the sequel" and, while it didn't kill me, i must say there are about a zilliondy things i'd rather spend 90 minutes doing. the roots have been canal-ed, and i'm left with some residual jaw ache and that weird filling-getting-cozy-in-its-new-digs kind of feeling that mostly feels like i have a giant piece of popcorn or steak stuck between my teeth. me and the dentist are going to be like peanut butter and jelly for the next few months, as me and me checkbook (sans insurance) go back again and again for things like a crown! and fillings! and a cleaning! oh, joy.

***

once again, and thankfully so, i am not qualified for jury duty.

***

it's nice to remember every now and then how hot mark ruffalo is.

***

lately i've had this really corny surge of happiness when i think about how LAist is really growing as a site, both in our readership and in our staff. i totally get those dorky warm and fuzzies when i see all the awesome posts we run every day, or when we bring people on board who are fresh and enthusiastic and totally kick-ass. i'm glad i'm a part of it, and i want to keep bringing stuff to the table.

***

yesterday i ate eggs that had just come from the chicken like the day before. i'm telling you, if you ever get the chance to eat such an egg please do so. they are oh so delicious, and the yolk is so sunshiney orange-yellow and tasty and firm. they were my present in "door number two" aka the darling boy's sweatshirt pouch, and i'm glad i'm spoiled and insisted on taking the contents of "door number one" (a freshly cut rose) and the eggs. it's the little things.

***

i had this weird dream last night that i was getting lost on the subways in toronto--which seems out of character for me--and found myself in a subway station that was basically in the water. a really congenial female transit employee in a motorboat came to help me--she scooped me up from where i'd wound up in a bit of peril and going in the wrong direction--and transported me to where i needed to be. she also, apparently, was kind of into me, because she said: "so, what kind of a woman is a beautiful gal like you into?" and i said: "well, actually, i'm interested in men," and she asked me if there was a lucky guy, and i said yes, there was, and i loved him very much, but that i was flattered by her comments, and the whole thing ended on an upbeat sort of note, and i got on the train i needed to.

***

when i was driving to work this morning i had to reach for the pen in my glovebox and a notepad to write this down: "i don't want to dream that i am looking, but rather that i have been found." i know it will come in handy at some point.

***

it's true that we get back from the universe what we put out. (no, i'm not going to go all "oprah winfrey presents: the secret" but i do find a lot of merit in the concept.) on monday i was walking around thinking: "i love my family. i love my friends--both near and far, new and old. i love the darling boy. i love where i live, and with whom i live. i love my work. i love LAist. i love all the things that i do for fun and that i'm interested in." and i really feel like all those things love(d) me back. it's hard to maintain that feeling, but it's worth it, so i'm going to give it a shot. my therapist will be so proud.

***

today i busted a pair of wasps trying to put a down payment on a starter home in the upper left hand corner of my balcony. i moved the plants out of the way, then attacked with the power duo of spray n' wash and a broom handle. i managed not to get stung, and i knocked the meager beginnings of their clay palace down. fuckers. i do not want their kind on my balcony.

***

tomorrow is my mom's very last day of work at the only job she's had since i came to live in los angeles in the summer of 1990. her first day there was my first day of high school. hard to believe, but after almost 17 years, she and my step dad are finally moving on up to the north side of the west coast. it's such a mix of happy-sad that it's hard for me to talk about. but the timing is finally right, for all of us, i'm sure. i'm going to do fine down here at the tail end of the left coast in la la land all by myself--well, not counting all my friends and the darling boy. it's a new chapter. but i'm still going to bawl when it comes to an end, just like i do every single time at the end of mary poppins or american beauty, or that episode of er where doctor greene dies in hawaii with his surly daughter and lovely alex kingston and their little baby. it's never easy to say goodbye.

***

and now it's time for america's next top model. sweet.

thanks, but no thanks

last night i opted to use l.a.'s public transit to get me down to koreatown, where my fellow LAist-ers were congregating for our monthly meetup; it's much easier to relax and enjoy a few drinks if you know you don't have to drive, that's for sure. also, looking for parking is frequently such a colossal pain in the ass that it sometimes can sour the whole outing in the first place. so onto the red line subway i hopped, my brand new "alton blue" clipped onto my sweater and a so-so book to read. i emerged in the waning daylight and tried to orient myself and find where i was going, minus the actual address of where i was going. i suffer from this "oh, i'll find it when i get there" problem, as if all locations magically reveal themselves to me as soon as i get within their vicinity. this isn't so much of a big deal if i'm in my car, because lola's gps with tell me where to go, but on foot it's a whole other story.

i noticed this guy across the street walking in the opposite direction, and he seemed to be trying to get my attention. from a distance he looked easily like someone who writes for the site with me, and i thought he was going to rescue me from getting lost by pointing out i was going the wrong way and then walking with me to the meet up spot. only, as he began to get closer as he crossed the street, i realized i'd never met the man before, and now he must be thinking that i'm welcoming his company. and then...

he: what's your name?
me: lindsay
he: where are you going right now?
me: i'm meeting a big group of people down the street.
he: you're really cute
me: ...
he: do you have a boyfriend?
me: yeaaahhhhsss
he: where is he?
me: uh, at home?
he: would you like another boyfriend?
me: ohhhh... no
he: where do you live?
me: in the valley
he: me too!
me: ...
he: what part?
me: (reluctantly) north hollywood
he: me too!
me: ...
he: how did you get to this part of town?
me: the subway
he: do you need me to drive you somewhere?
me: nooooo
he: should i walk with you to where you're going? make sure you get there okay? go with you? drive you home to the valley?
me: no. no thanks. no.
he: you're really cute
me: thanks
he: i wanted you to know you're really cute
me: okay, well, thanks. bye.

it turns out i was actually a wee bit lost, and this guy was not helping. (ed. note: i would have said i had a boyfriend regardless, as i did before when something similar happened--although it was nice to think abour the darling boy and how i have no interest in either replacing him or augmenting his capacity.) a call to 411 yielded no assistance. i went inside a little cafe, but the hostess' frame of reference was limited to korean-affiliated establishments, and i left with only her apologies as a send off. finally i called one of my co-writers, and had the lightbulb moment of "oh! i went north when i should have gone south!" and had myself seated in the booth amidst my comrades in mere minutes, with a funny story about the guy who wanted to be my other boyfriend to tell.

it also turns out i had a lot of fun last night. my subway ride home was thankfully utterly uneventful.

meanwhile, the wind's been blowing

uh, long time no... yeah. well. life happens. that is, if by "life" you mean trying to justify watching hours of televised programming as being "educational" then, yeah, sure, life's been happening a whole lot around here.

but seriously.

i have survived what can best be referred to as my "dental damn!" of 2007, in that i did indeed make it to the dentist last tuesday as scheduled, and was told my tooth could be saved (huzzah!) but first i had to get half a root canal. half, you ask? yes, just half. the other half will be completed next tuesday, to my absolute delight and joy. there was lots of numbing, lots of wide-eyed terror, and lots and lots of deep breaths. i think my favorite part was when the dentist tried to get me to calm down by asking me what my hobbies are. "i don't know!" i replied, getting suddenly very very stressed out. ohmygod, i thought, i don't have any hobbies! i'm abnormal!
then again, maybe that wasn't the best time to engage me in conversation. try explaining "blogging" with half a functioning tongue.

lately i've been bouncing off the walls with glee because i keep getting reconnected with some pretty pivotal folks from my early years. and by early years i don't mean those years when i was edgy and hip and recorded all my albums in my basement on an 8 -track recorder with my scruffy boyfriend on drums and an omnipresent glass of bourbon. i mean my early years as in those painfully awkward pre-pubescent years of poor social skills, mass insecurities, and lots of misadventures. granted, with that description i could be talking about last week, but i'm actually talking about the kids i ran with in the 80s on the mean streets of toronto. you know, my fellow hellions of the girl guide troupe from grace church on the hill, the wild bunch of the french immersion class of '88 from brown public school, and my partner in crime (okay, this last one is a legit bio) who provided me with pretty much the only reason to be happy for the two years i was an inmate, err, student at glenview senior public (canadienne for "junior high"). ah, the glory of facebook. it's been a very powerful experience for me, because mostly i can look back at myself and give a good, sincere laugh at little me, and realize that the best part about growing up is growing up. it's nice to feel that connection to a part of my life i was previously convinced was permanently severed by a force no greater than the hands of time.

despite that, i did manage to have myself a "murphy's law" tuesday yesterday, wherein the following things happened:

• my yahoo email alerts decided to stop working, which led to
• a mishap of communication between me and the darling boy, postponing our date
• i locked myself out of my apartment, then discovered
• that of the six keys on the keyring the building manager has in his office for our apartment, none of them actually work for our lock
• had to drive out to housemate angel bunny's work to pick up her keys
• went to the mall with foxy for a cheer-up/distraction shopping trip, where i bought myself a new shower scrubby and a small bottle of iced tea scented body wash
• while opening my car door in the mall parking lot realized i'd just wrapped my hand around the fresh bird crap that had been deposited on my door handle (the first time i cursed keyless entry for it not necessitating looking at the door handle prior to opening it)
• tried to unwind with a shower using my new scrubby and new body wash, only to squeeze out a generous amount, inhale deeply and then get grossed the fuck out because the sales clerk had dropped a bottle of "pecan pie passion" insted of the iced tea one into my bag and i hadn't noticed because they're virtually identical in color. (but so thoroughly gross in smell--yuck beyond yuck to me--i had to take both the body wash and the scrubby back today to exchange them)

...and then i went to bed. and the nice universe gave me a brand new day, wherein i got to have that date with the darling boy, my yahoo alerts began to work again, i taught my lovely class, and i finally bought myself the 1gb ipod shuffle i've been eyeing for use on my little walks about the 'hood and trips to the gym (his name is "alton blue" because he's blue, and is named in honor of alton brown from good eats, whom i adore, mostly because he reminds me of the darling boy). in my happy mood i even agreed to moderate a panel at an upcoming conference being organized by a good friend of mine.

today the winds are blowing super strong again in los angeles. this afternoon i heard a tree across the street crack and fall under the strain, and though it's almost dark out, i can still hear the chainsaws hacking away at the mess. i'm happy because tonight it's america's next top model night (although sad because fellow "topper" lqt is out of town), tomorrow i will be cashing my virtual paycheck with my fellow LAist-ers at a drinking establishment downtown, and friday i'm going back to the spa-aaahhhhhh for a facial.

and so it blows.

as god as my witness i shall never put off visiting the dentist again

i have dentist-phobia. i don't like getting needles jabbed into the tender, delicate flesh of my gums in order to facilitate cold, hard, metallic objects being inserted for the purpose of scraping, poking, tugging, or (gulp!) drilling. this is why in the wisdom of my adult years, i've consistently avoided the dentist. this is why when a while back i cracked a molar on the bottom left whilst biting into one of those yummy wheaty crackers that comes in those carr's assortment boxes i shrugged it off as just a bit of lost enamel. until the tooth began to lose more, well, of its tooth. then, when i arrived up in the 604 last month, i was assaulted with searing tooth pain that put a major crimp in my first couple of days of vacation. when i got home, and sorted all the details of my new job out, the pain had long subsided and i just kind of pretended nothing was wrong, and ate on the right side, knowing full well that this was the calm before the storm.

so i called the dentist. last tuesday. and made an appointment. for this coming tuesday. because that was the soonest they could see me.

meanwhile... gut-wrenching pain in all forms, from a nasty sinus infection all the way to throbbing, searing jaw-aches not even vicodin and an ice pack could calm. i've never wanted to get to the dentist so badly in my life.

thankfully i managed to sneak in some vital hang time with the darling boy before things got so dire; since thursday i've only left the house once, and have otherwise been pajama clad, gripping either a bag of frozen peas or an ice pack against my cheek, and watching endless television. thankfully i've had housemate angel bunny with me for most of this time; i've dubbed our house the sick ward, since she's been down with pink eye, and has made a fine fellow couch and channel surfing companion. no easter candy for this bunny, alas, just a parade of soft foods i can slide past my lower molars with the aid of a spoon, and more otc pain meds than one person should probably ingest. knowing i wouldn't want to go anywhere today, i planned ahead and tried my hand at ordering groceries and sundries online, which arrived this morning to my delight. i've learned about the history of cereal, that defibrillators do not cause explosions when used on patients with nitroglycerine patches, how the massive pipeline is being built south of Louisiana, and how to make great potato salad. i also now have pretty much every shirley temple movie made stored on my tivo, and have made a sad little dent in all the books i have on hand to read. i've improved my sudoku time, but have done precious else of merit. i even missed ceramics class.

tomorrow i have to take my diseased tooth along with me to work--thankfully i'm not there long, and then i can settle in again for some serious rest until i finally get to that damned dentist on tuesday afternoon, where i fear a procedure in the range of root canal to extraction. i just want it to stop hurting. i want to get back to my regularly scheduled programming. and by that i mean not waking up hour after hour in the night to jaw-wringing pain, and to eating foods with some sort of texture, and to like actually having the wherewithall to leave the house.

as god as my witness...

well, don'tcha?

don't you hate it when it feels like you've had a string of disappointments and you foolishly decide to rely on someone who is well-known for being unreliable to be the one who will bring you out of your funk? and then that person--lovely and wonderful and amazing as they are--is, as people tend to be, a human being, who has their own ups and downs to contend with (at an amplified dosage, no less) and who has the kind of unpredictable life that means they often have to cancel plans at the last minute?

well, i don't know about you, but i hate it.

i'm trying hard to focus on the positive, which isn't easy, because for bunches of other reasons i've had a predominantly tough few days of late. the resources seem low.

so i went out and did some work on my spring balcony garden. and i got myself a robek's juice smoothie. and 90210's on the television. and i have a creative writing class to go to tonight. and that lovely, wonderful, and amazing aforementioned person and i will have to spend time together towards the end of the week, and that's just going to have to be okay because that's just how it is.

urgh. i still hate it.