i'm not usually one to jump on the meme bandwagon, or get tagged with them, but i saw this over on dahl
's page and decided to snap it up, since it's pretty much how i sort things out in terms of where-i-am and where-i've-been. what were you doing ten years ago this month (1996)?
well, according to a journal entry dated february 3, 1996, i was thinking about how i'd been back in los angeles for exactly a year after living in new york with laurie. i also was getting "regrettably stoned" in the bathroom of a hollywood cafe with a crew of misfits, and then going home alone to negotiate really overwhelming feelings of lust and love for a boy with whom i was entangled. i overanalyzed everything he said and did, and it drove me crazy. this took up a lot of my time, naturally, which meant that i was barely showing up for school (trying for a BA in theatre) and dreading going to work (part time at a bookstore). by the end of the month i was jumping in my rickety honda accord for a solo trip to sedona, arizona to try to use the power of red rocks and new agey vibrations to soothe my self-inflicted wounded heart. jesus christ, life was intense back then. and also obscenely easy.what were you doing eight years ago this month (1998)?
my psychotic friend suzanne took me to the rainbow room for a belated 21st birthday outing. please note, this was her idea of fun. we were plied with liquor by a mafioso type who wanted to take us places in his limo, and he also bought up all of the roses one of those wandering vendor ladies was selling to give to us. suzanne left him with her number, and a few days later she got a call from a woman wondering who suzanne was, since her number was found in the limo but the man--the caller's brother, a mr. gambino--was missing. other than that i was obsessed with absolutely fabulous' jennifer saunders, moving up the ranks at the bookstore--eventually i was given my own store to helm, just about done living in hollywood, and, with the exception of an extended flirtation with my older, married boss, thoroughly chaste. not a stellar time in my life.what were you doing six years ago this month (2000)?
apparently not keeping a journal. best guess is i was working at the neighborhood starbucks, having just moved to the apartment i'm still in now, but with two people who haven't lived here in what seems like forever. also not a stellar time in my life.what were you doing four years ago this month (2002)?
i finally gave in and decided to meet the mysterious game-show obsessed guy who i'd been emailing off and on for months. turns out he lived on my street. he came to see me do improv. i decided i really liked him. he tried to tell me he wasn't interested. i pushed. i worried a lot about people liking and accepting me. i worked at color me mine. my motto for the year was "i'm working on it." i was back in school, now working on a ba in english. i thought a lot about issues of control and focus and happiness. i was intent on learning how to live in the moment.what were you doing two years ago this month (2004)?
i was working pretty close to full time at a franchised location of color me mine thanks to an old contact who became a savior and a friend after the fired for blogging mess of july 2003. i was in my last quarter of classes for my bachelor's degree, mulling the notion of the master's, free of any hindering romantic ensnarments (read: no sex life, except for one curious encounter with an ex from 2001). i was fresh from my first trip back to new york since i'd left there in 1995, and planning my next one for a few weeks ahead. i was almost one year into blogging. i was starting to see who i really was, and really liking her. what are you doing now?
i'm finishing up my master's in creative writing and teaching freshman composition at cal state los angeles. although some days i get a major case of the "i don't wannas" i actually love my work, and have found myself doing a job that i don't dread or hate or loathe or any combination thereof. i'm doing a fair amount of writing (well, not nearly enough) but i have focused projects going that are getting positive feedback from my peers and adviser, and are headed in the right direction. i don't kiss and tell about my sex life anymore on here, but that doesn't mean i don't have one, and save for the wrinkles in the deal (and some uncanny parallels) it is what i've wanted for, well, ten years. it is what it is, and i'm cool with that.what have you learned from this?
i'm happy. happy that i don't deal with problems and people the way i did ten years ago. happy that i don't often have wide expanses of life that are devoted to depression, following a crowd or person, or hopeless celibacy, like i did eight years ago. happy i don't have a shitty food service job and a roommate with a crack in her skull who made my and my other roomie's life a living, breathing, firespitting hell like i did six years ago. happy that i no longer have to ponder focus and control, that it turns out mr. game show was soooooo not "the one" for me, and that i took seriously the idea of living in the moment, like i did four years ago. happy that the master's is no longer a notion, and that i don't work in retail like i did two years ago. and though i didn't learn it from doing this exercise, i do know that while where i've been has shaped me, it's where i am--and where i'm going--that's the most exciting. of course, many aspects of my "old" life are still very much a part of my life today--people, interests, passions, characteristics--and for those that have endured, grown, or reappeared, i'm truly thankful.